“Siri, play me Doings – Flavour featuring Phyno.”
This piece is particularly for the wealthy or those aspiring to be. We want to show you what category of money sprayers you fall under at weddings. If your account balance is 5k or less, or you fall among the class of people who always need an urgent ‘2k,’ we hate to be rude, but you’re not our target audience for this piece. No insult meant.
So the next time you go to a party, look out for those who display this level of affluence and get as close to them as possible. They might just be your destiny helpers.
As clearly stated, this is to show and tell you the different kinds of Money sprayers we have at weddings. Nigeria, is tough, let’s admit it. Tougher if you’re living in Lagos, because many are mad in that city, but only a few are in the mental hospital. This is why we never pass over an opportunity to party.
If a Presidential General Elections were scheduled on the same day as a Wizkid, Davido or Burna Boy Concert; and people would ditch the election. It’s just the way it is.
As we said earlier, money spraying is an integral part of weddings around these parts. We like to show off as a people, and what better way is there to do so than publicly? Here are 5 types of money sprayers you’d most likely find at weddings:
1. THE DANGOTES
We had to begin with this, even though they do not spray money at events. They are ‘chairman and father of the day’ material because they are the ones who sit at the high table and give fancy speeches. However, their own money doesn’t show in public.
They are the kinds who give you a small ‘token’ to support your wedding. They would apologize profusely because they consider it too small. These tokens can come in alerts but majorly Cheques. The kind of alerts that once it hits your phone, your battery goes dead. Yes, those types. Earth shaking credit alerts.
And the cheques? You would never believe it is real until you’ve cashed it. Every couple wishes for men of this group to attend their wedding because once they do, they can conveniently go on a honeymoon in Mauritius or Seychelles for two months and not worry about the cost.
2. THE CAPTAINS OF INDUSTRIES
These kinds come into your event dressed as simple as possible. They are top business executives who live in Lekki and Ikoyi and have children in Loyola and Corona Colleges. They arrive late and go around saying a few Hellos to people of their class. They usually aren’t loud or overly pompous in person because their pride comes out on the dance floor.
Wands of Naira and Dollar notes would flow from their pockets and bags while folding their Agbadas and dancing slowly to King Sunny Ade. They are like Wizkid because they have no stress. Three of them can spend a civil servants pension on the dance floor and no one would have an issue with it.
3. THE OBI CUBANAS
You can easily tell when they arrive. They are the life of the party and the toast of the ceremony. You find the most successful potbellied entrepreneurs in this category. Importers, Exporters or whatever D’Banj said in ‘Igwe.’ Pompous in person because what they have to spend can change a man’s destiny forever. They come accompanied by bodyguards who carry their bags or Ghana Must Go sacks, then go ahead to make money rain on the couple.
In most cases, they never even bother to spray the money. They just drop bales upon bales, because too much money is their only problem in this life. Live Bands particularly love these kinds of guests, because they are their surest bet to cash out. A little praise-singing from them and the Obi Cubanas would make sure they leave with twice the money they were paid to perform.
4. UPCOMING BIG BOYS
This is a class lower. They are successful, but not as successful. Perhaps has a 9-5 and a small side hustle somewhere. You can tell them by their 2010 Toyota Camry or Lexus cars. They spray mostly 200 Naira and 100 Naira notes and might spray about 60,000 in total. They do their best too because they are the ones that keep the guest entertained before the big boys arrive. Once they do, they vanish into thin air because money has finished and Buhari is still the President.
5. SAPA CATEGORY
They spray Money but meagre amounts. Most of them cannot spray more than 5000 naira at most. They are the ones who would clench the money they ‘ve been sprayed in their fists so it doesn’t fall. In the end, they might choose to spray it again, or just put it in their bags.
What other categories did you think we missed? Kindly let us know in the comments section.
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