How to Lose Your Home Training at a Wedding

“How can I lose my home training at a wedding?”

 The question above is of the most frequently asked questions we’ve heard over the last couple of months. As your ultimate guide to having a swell time at a wedding, we decided to offer you some insights. Since we’ve become close allies – if we don’t help you, no one else will.

1. Remove Your Wig

This is the first tip on How to be a Razz Woman 101. We all know that when the gbedu enters the body, nothing can stop it. You must first dance as though you’re on the front row in a Burna Boy’s concert and let your dance steps determine if you’d be thrown out or not. All that ‘legwork’ you’ve practiced in your room or your bathroom, here’s the perfect place to display it. Don’t hold back anything. Dance so much that Poco Lee would be threatened wherever he is. 

Right in the middle of it, take off your wig. You haven’t truly danced if your wig is still on. Why are you scared of being embarrassed? You have only one life to live, beloved. Live it. Anyone who tells you that you’d not find a partner with that kind of life is only hating because they cannot dance half as good as you. The person who would love you deeply will, wig or no wig. 

2. Pack Money on the Dance Floor

Remember when we were told that those who pick money from the floor end up becoming goats once they do so? That rule doesn’t apply to money on dance floors. You and I know that Buhari is still the president of Nigeria. And Gala is now 70 Naira. Sardine is almost 600 Naira. So why would you see Naira notes on the floor with people stepping on it and not do anything about it?

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It’s even worse when Dollar notes are being sprayed? One dollar is now 534 Naira. Only 10 of those one-dollar notes and you have over 5000 Naira. And you’re here sitting down, still worried about home training? What foolish home training? How has it given you a kobo since you started living with it? Will you get up and get to the dance floor.

Yes, you also remember that you have to be strategic in positioning yourself. So make sure you stay close to the money bags. Money bags in this context are the Obi Cubanas, those people who spray from 500 Naira notes and above. Since you can’t just go and pick money straight away, just komole while dancing and use that scope to pick money. No one will notice. Even if they do, tell them you can’t stand the Naira being defaced and as a law-abiding citizen, you want to save it. God bless you for your service. 

3. Fight for Food

Why would you go to a wedding and not eat? How? It’s an abominable act. If you’re not smart, all varieties of food on the menu will pass your table and you’d not even taste anything. It’s unfair, to be honest. So, you must shine your eyes properly. If you can, go to where the food is being served and ‘kidnap’ one of the servers to your table. If they scream at you, show them that you have even a louder voice. Scream back. The most heard party is the winner.

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While the event is going on, get as many plates of food as possible. And go with one or more big nylons in your bag or under your Agbada where you’d pour the food into. You need to take as much food home. How else will you survive in these Buhari times if you don’t pack food home?

4. Eat Everything You Are Served

Growing up, our parents warned us not to take everything and anything from strangers. And it didn’t matter where you grew up; as long as your parents are Nigerians, it was the same story everywhere. But if you attend a wedding and you want to lose your home training, please eat everything you are offered. Don’t bother about the consequences. Just drink and eat. After all, where else will you get that kind of food? You don’t have it at home.

5. Fight For Souvenirs

Please, my dear. What other proof do you have to show people that you attended a wedding? If not for those multiple bowls, plates and trays our mothers collected at weddings, many of their kitchens would have been empty. Now, you’re old enough to start up a family and your kids are depending on you. How would you go home, look them in the eye and tell them you failed to get souvenirs? It’s just not done and acceptable!

You need to get up and fight for your right. Remember that people who don’t need it will eventually take more than they need. It is a must for you to get one item since you attended the wedding. Struggle to get a piece of everything there. Run after the person doing the sharing and tell them with the most tearful eyes that you just arrived because you were in traffic and you’ve not gotten anything. I’m speaking from experience. Once you try it and your mission is successful, do not forget to visit us and share your testimony. Amen? 

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6. Get Drunk

One thing you can always be sure to find at a wedding is alcohol. And the icing on the cake is that you get to drink all of it, for free! What are you waiting for? Remember that if you’re too shy to drink at the main reception, there’s always the after-party where everyone can get to unwind and go wild. Drink as though there’s no tomorrow. And if tomorrow meets you at the party, drink some more. Let the alcohol take over your entire body. This life is for the living. 

We do hope we’ve been able to offer you concrete strategies? So the next wedding you go to, combine all of this and you’d see that God is good. 

If you found this helpful, don’t forget to share with a friend who also needs to lose their home training.

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