If you cannot define what you mean to each other, you are probably in a Situationship. Undefined relationships, also known as situationships can be identified and corrected mutually. Something is going on between you and someone. You love each other’s company. You set out time to see often. He is the first person you call when there is a gist. However, something is not right. You cannot confidently define what you are doing. You are neither dating nor courting.
The big question is, how do you identify a situationship? A situationship occurs when both parties are not in a mutual agreement that they have something going on. According to Dr Sabrina Romanoff, situations happens when people engage in behaviors and act as though they are dating but do not make a commitment to each other.
Situationship Versus Relationship
These two feel similar but are different and the difference is Commitment. In an undefined relationship, there is no deliberate commitment to one another. It entails going with the flow and throwing caution to the wind. There are no rules, no plans and no seriousness.
In a relationship, both parties take time to discuss and understand the purpose of coming together. Relationships happen because two people who share similar values come together to build a future. In undefined relationships, you are confused about what you mean to each other. There is usually no prior discussion about your situation and future expectations.
Likely Outcomes Of Situationships:
Stress begins from the way you respond to things around you, which results in a physical, mental and emotional imbalance. Merriam Webster defines stress as the physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation.
Situationships can result in stress because the relationship is not solid. Your brain cannot correctly place who the person is to you. You may want to say “friend”, but he is more than that. On the other hand, you cannot say “boyfriend” either because it is not up to that. You are somewhere in-between, wondering.
Frustration and stress are two peas in a pod. The former happens when you are not in control of a situation (or the situationship, lol). It is the feeling of anger when someone waves your efforts or actions aside or criticizes them. Situationships are undefined relationships. Because of this, you cannot correctly place where you stand in someone’s life. The person, on the other hand, is not trying to place you somewhere. This experience is enough to induce mounting frustration.
How To Identify Situationships:
1. You do not talk about the future:
When we say “you”, we mean both parties. People in serious relationships have plans for their future. They talk about it and adjust where necessary. A situationship avoids conversations regarding the future of the relationship. With this, the parties do not label the relationship. There are no long-term plans because things just happen the way they do and you both seem to just go with the flow. This is a sign that you are in an undefined relationship.
2. You avoid serious words:
Words that define the relationship are serious. For example, calling someone your fiancé shows a higher level of commitment compared to calling someone “a friend.” On the relationship ladder, they are not on the same rung. People in undefined relationships will not call themselves a couple, or use the boyfriend/ girlfriend tag. You may do everything that normal couples do. People may see you as an item, but because you are in an undefined relationship, you cannot define the relationship as such. Even if you do, it is not mutual.
3. He is reluctant to show you off:
If a person is serious about you, they will show it in different ways. One way is to tell their friends good things about you, such that they are eager to meet you. In an undefined relationship, it is not so. He rarely wants you both to go to events together, and you do not know what his friends think about you. He has never admitted to you or anyone else that you are his girlfriend. If you wonder why, you are likely in an undefined relationship.
How To Get Out Of A Situationship:
To get out a situationship, first you need to trace how you got into it. Undefined relationships happen simply because the parties involved did not define it. How then do you define a relationship?
1. Communicate openly:
Communication is one of the defining qualities of a relationship. To get out of a situationship, you need to have a conversation tailored towards the reasons for confusion. An open communication means that both parties are willing to talk about the state of the relationship, because a situationship is still a relationship. Be truthful about what you have observed over time, and what you want now. It is not a new trend for people to agree to stay friends with each other, and still do couple things with no strings attached. This is what we know as Friends with Benefit (FWB). If this is not what you want, say it clearly.
2. Point out red flags:
The longer a situationship is, the more difficult it will be to get out of it. Nevertheless, this is not impossible to settle. Red flags are those bad signs that you notice from someone or a situation. These signs could be in forms of words and/ or actions. Listen carefully to the kind of words used when referring to you. Watch how he acts when you both are in the midst of a friend or someone he trusts. When you both are together, the relationship mode comes up. When you are trying to connect through text, the casual mode pops up. This is a red flag. After you observe these things, respectfully point them out, and hear the response- explanations, adjustments or defenses. The answer will tell you whether to call it off or to proceed with the proffered solutions.
In a situationship, you are not sure what is too much. You may be concerned about the health of your “friend” (I am sure you now know why friend is in quote). You want to call or visit to check up on him or her, but you are not sure if that will be too much.
Having read up until this point, you definitely know more about situationships, how to identify and get out of them.
Kindly let us know if you learnt something new from this piece by leaving a comment below.
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