Talking things out between both families is a good way to prevent chaos and “had I known” scenarios during and after the wedding. Families of the couple need to meet to discuss important topics as regards the union of their members. In marriage, a union between a man and a woman is equivalent to a union between the families involved. As the son and daughter get married, both families are also united. This summarizes why it is important for the families to be better acquainted.
Having discussions prior to the wedding will enable them figure out each family’s way of life and beliefs; as well as the behavior and temperament of the family members. Although some people won’t reveal their true nature during the discussions, it is still important for them to hold.
A family discussion should include both families sharing their family histories, religious practices and beliefs. Here are seven crucial things that families need to discuss before they proceed with anything.
1. Religious Beliefs:
This is an important family discussion topic for members of the bride and groom. Both families should know the other’s stance on religious matters and be sure that they are comfortable with each other’s religion (usually in cases where the two families practice different religions). It is easier to move forward when the families practice the same religion. If they do not, there should be a common ground.
They can either choose to accept and move forward, or make it known that they disapprove of the religious beliefs of the other family. In this case, this is the point where the couple decides on the religion they will be practicing. If their beliefs are different, each person can choose to continue with their individual religions. They should also consider the religion they want for their children (that is if they want to have children).
2. Past Occurences:
Both families should be willing to discuss important incidents that have happened in their family, regardless of how awkward it may be. As long as it is a subject relevant to the union, then it must be discussed. Some families have a history of certain genetic diseases like diabetes, sickle cell anemia, infertility, or even mental disorders. In addition, there has to be an important family discussion on topics like previous marriages and their reasons for divorce.
If either the bride or groom was in a previous marriage, they need to share their reason for divorce. This also clarifies suspicion on the reason for the current union. Has any of the couples had a child before? Does either family have a disagreement with another? Are they owing someone? How much debt they owe and how they intend to pay back? They should also know the consequences of not paying back at the agreed date.
We believe that this is a very important topic of discussion because it makes both families open up to each other and bond with each other better. Uniting families through marriage requires trust, commitment, honesty and compassion towards each other; therefore, family members should not keep secrets from one another.
3. Setbacks:
Setbacks are delays or obstacles that tend to hinder one’s progress. What are the issues they are facing in their current situation of life? What are the major causes, effects and solutions to these issues? Sharing such issues strengthens family bonds and families should let it out freely without discomfort. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of one another enhances the family union. If these setbacks will affect the union of the couple afterwards, they will get to know because of open communication. With this, they can tell how to handle the situations to help one another lead better lives.
4. Reasons For Wanting Each Other:
The family of the bride should ask the groom for the reasons he wants their daughter. They should clearly state their reasons for wanting to get married. Most unions nowadays are short-lived and up in divorce because of disguise and unclear intentions. In the family discussion, they should also ask the bride to state her reasons for accepting the proposal. Ladies can tend to accept marriage proposals because of influenced decision from friends, peer pressure and the way society treats married women. Men also tend to propose because of pressure from their friends or parents to find a wife. The reasons for wanting to be together should be genuine and should make you happy.
5. Family Boundaries:
Boundaries define ownership and responsibility. These boundaries help to indicate what each family can tolerate and endure. This discussion topic creates a limit between the two families. It enables families to understand each other better. With these boundaries, they exchange their values, respect themselves, and accord similar respect for their opinions and different frames of mind. The families must learn to embrace and agree to abide by these boundaries.
6. Family lineage/Background:
Families need to talk about their various local governments, towns, villages, and names of their family members. During the family discussions, the family background should give you a clearer picture of the family. They should state if the parents of the couples are alive. If not, they decide the family member that will stand in gap for any of the parents. Divorce among couples is at a high rate because of the lack of knowledge of their partner’s family background. If you do not like the family background, you can decide to back down. It is important to consider the family lineage because it becomes your lineage too.
7. Occupation and Financial Strength:
There is no happy union without a stable financial life. The family discussion should cover bringing the occupation of both families into the conversation. The occupation of the groom is important as it stands as a criterion or vital block in raising a healthy family. There should be a discussion on the bride’s line of work as well. She should have the capacity to contribute to the financial strength of the family. Some men prefer their partner to be financially stable while some do not want their partner involved in seeking means of income due to religious or personal reasons. This discussion will give the couples hint on how they can balance their career and love life. We believe the best way to have a comfortable and free-spirited union is to have both parties having something to offer.
Conversations are important to know where the couple stands. after all has been said, adjustments can be made so that the couple can carry on with the wedding plans. did we miss out any point? You can add yours below in the comments and we will be sure to learn from you too.
